MASTER THE QUEUE!
Cari Wright
So it is DIFFICULT right now.
The last few weeks have almost ended me. So many things…one of the biggest: 3 kids WITH OPINIONS at home full-time, 3 different curriculums normally taught by 3 different teachers and it is supposed to occur simultaneously in my 960 square foot house (with a husband who sleeps during the day) and the children need multiple computers and I am supposed to get the technology. Ummm…
Then there is work, THE INTERRUPTIONS. I have a few businesses going through rapid and profound adjustments.
And the mother-of-all in my life. Dissertation deadline starring at me, coming very soon.
Household. Pets. Have we eaten?
Do we need gas? It’s $1.74! “Nope.” You're sure? There is an opportunity here.
The laundry.
So today I got an inspiration to post my method of survival. POST! I never posted anything like this but this is good and I wanted to share it, especially for those who have kids at home.
I am calling it, “Mastering the Queue”
I have found this to be VERY helpful with/for the spouse too and how you can function beautifully together during the madness. Get together, and give them the analogy that life together right now is like a queue.
Who is the Queue Master?
YOU! Your the one who is responsible for the details of 10 people right now so those needs and requests get to line up in an order that works for you. You do this for them and for you. Stability comes from rhythms and systems that support the functioning of the whole and it takes the whole to maintain that function. Not just you.
Now is not the time to be a hero and reduced to zero. You recruit, inform and require everyone in your family system to contribute energy, organization and positive attitudes or you are likely to lose hope and give up on important things, sacrifice your sanity, or feel completely overwhelmed and inadequate.
Are you inadequate? No way! But the demands of this time are exceptionally high and so is the potential for stress. Stress of this magnitude messes with and convolutes everything including our perception of ourselves and the potential available to us at any moment.
Take care and take charge. Line up everyone and everything, I, the Queue Master, will get to you at the correct and perfect moment, with just enough spunk, humor and momma-genius (daddy’s count too).
Spouse to Queue Master-ALIGN!
Spouse when you enter the room where the Queue Master (other spouse) is in process of performing multiple miracles in minutes,
quietly ASK about the queue,
“How is it going? How may I help? What’s next or most pressing?”
Join the flow of what they have accomplished so far.
Don’t jump in and try to be the boss right away.
Really there is only one Queue Master at a time.
So think of yourself as the Assistant to the Queue Master.
Visualize the tasks as a Queue in order of importance as laid out by the Queue Master her/himself.
The level of organization and flow that comes from this is AMAZING. Not to mention the level of confidence and intimacy that can emerge within your relationship that comes from working together and feeling good about it
especially during such a difficult time.
Side note: When possible, both Queue Masters get brief moments alone together without any of those normally in the queue. Send them on a bike ride or tuck them in early with an audiobook. If you can get out for a walk or a ride alone, all the better.
Don’t try to keep up but keep going.
My dissertation deadline has come and gone. I am 2 weeks past the old one with a new deadline in sight because no matter what life throws at me I am not going to fail. It is necessary for my well-being to have this off my plate and life will go on after this.
We need things to come back to.
I told everyone in my house.
It is first in my queue. I will not be distracted, now it is my turn to prioritize something I have worked hard for.
My paper is not going to fail because others are not doing their part.
They got this. I think it is really beneficial to be real with your kids so they understand the context behind why we say what we say and do what we do.
Trust them to participate and believe in them to rise to the occasion.
Time to get real without scaring the crap out of them.
Very important. Adopt a firm and unwavering leadership style with a dash of humor.
Another very important one,
“Handle it, people!”
I know we are all stressed and that goes for the kiddos too but they still need to do their best to contribute to the peace in their home.
The first week of school I had to just have a melt-down and point-blank tell all 3 of my kids that what they have been arguing or nagging about all week
was not important.
That was a tough one. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, damage their self-esteem, or tell them that their needs are not important,
but the level of tension their crabby, messy, emotionally-lazy behavior was creating was off the charts
while Dad and I are tripping over ourselves just to get them educated every day.
Time to get real and require more of everyone.
Everyone has to maintain their own standards.
“All hands on deck; do your piece without being told. Just do it and do it right the first time.”
As Mom, I have set up systems and rhythms that work really well when the peeps in our housework work the system. Now that we are full-on, all the time, we need to require more of our kiddos.
Politeness and Patience WIN every time.
They also need to learn the new house rule about being polite or they don’t get what they want. Period.
Everyone wants to be the first in line but you’re the Queue Master! No one gets to the front of the queue without your consent.
Sanity=finishing the task you are doing
As the Queue Master, managing everything in that queue, you will go nuts if you are constantly starting and stopping a task.
When I was a first-time mom this saved my sanity. Baby crying needs a diaper. Finish washing that cup first sister. One step at a time, gently, softly, breath. ONE. STEP. ONE. TASK. AT. A. TIME!
DO NOT Respond
(unless they are right next to you speaking politely, this moves them to the front of the queue, every time!)
You’re alone, doing something in the queue.
Example: Mountain of Laundry. Time to stain treat.
Kid #1: “Mom!”
Kid #2: “Mom!”
Kid #3: “Mom!”
Master. The. Queue!
Note what they are saying. Important? Not important? Tuck them in the queue.
DO NOT respond if they are yelling at you from another room unless they are shrieking. If it is important they will come find you and look you in the eye.
I have discovered that most of the time they will resolve the thing on their own and step out of the queue. Whew.
Rest when you run out of Steam!
Now you are handling much more simultaneously than before. This means you rest when your energy starts to wane and you stop when you run out of steam. It might be at 2:00 in the afternoon and the rest of the day is free-time or family-time.
You start again tomorrow with the top priorities in the queue.
You require those that are capable of handling those things and move on to the things you must do.
Repeat.
Closing Thoughts
This time and set of circumstances will identify for you, your strengths and weaknesses. Master the Queue to improve in the areas you are not as confident.
Take heart and one day at a time. Maybe an hour at a time. Go softly and know this too shall pass but the experience will change you and allow you to grow if you let it.
Pat yourself on the back for your strengths and commitment to persevering in the face of adversity on behalf of the ones you love. You’ve got this!
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